The Sad Giraffe Demographic
by Ryan W. Bradley
Advertisements run a hundred dollars per thirty seconds. But thirty seconds is plenty of time if you've done the research. If you've studied your prospective customer base. For instance, women and children. Where do you stand with them? After all, if they want something they make their men, their husbands, their fathers buy it for them. But let's go beyond that, because you didn't hire us to give you obvious market analysis. You hired us because we go above and beyond. We transcend the traditional. We think outside the outside of the box. And there's one thing we've found, an untapped demographic. One that comprises of two-thirds of all nose ring sales, fifteen percent of mood ring sales, forty-one percent of sugar-coated dumpling sales, seventy-two percent of nasal decongestant sales, and the big one: one hundred percent, that's right one hundred percent, of all Gummy Shark breakfast cereal sales. Who is this dream customer? The sad giraffe. And why have they gone untapped? Because no one pays attention to the sad giraffe. Did you know that eighty-eight percent of sad giraffes in North America aren't even known by name to their co-workers? It's a fact. That's the kind of analysis you get with us. Straight up. We don't mess around, and neither should you. If you want to thrive as a business there's only one way to do it. There's one key to success: the sad giraffe.
I think "No One Pays Attention to the Sad Giraffe" would be a money title.
haha! i could do a whole series of these if i were in the right frame of mind.
Love this: "We think outside the outside of the box."
What a fun, fun read. Great comedic timing.
I trust that the Mad Men will surely spot this untapped market. They're smart guys. Don Draper is no dummy. Next season, maybe.
thanks, Katrina! so glad you enjoyed it.
let me know if Mad Men hits on this, in case i need to hire me a lawyer ;)
Dick Whitman, people! The man is an identity thief.
Ha, love Mad Men. Pause. Okay, just said a quick prayer for one Frederick R. Rumson.
This is funny stuff, good one Ryan.
This actually made me feel kind of sad for the giraffe. Good voice.
Thanks David & Adam. Didn't mean to make you sad, ARob, at least the advertisers are trying to get people to pay attention to them!
is there a book about a sad giraffe at the bookstore? come on, admit it ...
i like it!
thanks for liking it!
oddly, i can't think of a single book about giraffes in here... that can't be right... now i'm going to have to look at the shelves... or save it 'til tomorrow, it's almost 5!