The Sad Giraffe Demographic

by Ryan W. Bradley

 Advertisements run a hundred dollars per thirty seconds. But thirty seconds is plenty of time if you've done the research. If you've studied your prospective customer base. For instance, women and children. Where do you stand with them? After all, if they want something they make their men, their husbands, their fathers buy it for them. But let's go beyond that, because you didn't hire us to give you obvious market analysis. You hired us because we go above and beyond. We transcend the traditional. We think outside the outside of the box. And there's one thing we've found, an untapped demographic. One that comprises of two-thirds of all nose ring sales, fifteen percent of mood ring sales, forty-one percent of sugar-coated dumpling sales, seventy-two percent of nasal decongestant sales, and the big one: one hundred percent, that's right one hundred percent, of all Gummy Shark breakfast cereal sales. Who is this dream customer? The sad giraffe. And why have they gone untapped? Because no one pays attention to the sad giraffe. Did you know that eighty-eight percent of sad giraffes in North America aren't even known by name to their co-workers? It's a fact. That's the kind of analysis you get with us. Straight up. We don't mess around, and neither should you. If you want to thrive as a business there's only one way to do it. There's one key to success: the sad giraffe.