Danny said that you like him now. He smiled like it was the best news that he could give me, but his eyes dared me.
Danny said that you wear cherry lip gloss. He licked his own lips when he told me, and then he asked if you wore it before. When I didn't answer he giggled, a shrill triumph.
Danny said that you like him because he's strong. He twisted his arm to coax a rise from a stringy bicep and told me to squeeze. When I didn't, he made as if to hit me. I flinched. He nodded.
Danny said that you'd do anything he wanted. Then he winked at me. He called me a crybaby, but I didn't cry. My eyes were just wet. Nothing came out.
Danny said that it doesn't smell like fish. He thrust his finger under my nose. I held my breath.
Danny said that you go down. When I didn't know what it meant he made a motion with his mouth that made me feel like throwing up.
But Danny says a lot of things about a lot of girls. That's why I had to tell you what he said. And I had to tell you that I know it's not true.
Now you tell me it's a lie.
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Excellent! I love the style,the short sentences, the bits of information fed in this manner that sets the pace and brings it up to the inevitable end. I like the run of emotions from fear and resentment to hope. Nice.
I like the compressed form, Mark. Very well done. And the straight-forward apporach to the language - "Danny said that it doesn't smell like fish. He thrust his finger under my nose. I held my breath." - very compelling. Moves me through the piece. I like it.
Thanks so much for your input, guys.
This is hugely effective. I love the form. Each paragraph brings me in further. There is so much to love here. Favorite.
excellent, danny. Just great, you had me thinking, for a moment that you weren' danny. The last lineopens this up wide.
Yes, this works very well. Every sentence builds on the next and the language is concise. Well done!