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The Everyday Juggernaut


by Josh Maday


I will go to work in the morning and no one will stop me.

I wish someone would stop me.

I don't know if my car will start in this cold.

But if it does (it always does), I am going to drive to work.

I will go inside the building, sit in my chair at my desk.

I will pretend to do work by having multiple applications open on my computer.

When someone of authority or someone with tattle-tale tendencies walks by I will quickly click and switch from my email or Statcounter or Amazon to something I've been pretending to work on for three months.

I will wonder if anyone has noticed that I spend a lot of time on this simple task and never seem to complete it or get any farther along than the last 90 days I've appeared to work so intently on each and every detail.

I will feel a little guilty about not doing any work and still getting paid for it and I will think about what actually does need to be done.

Then it will be lunch time.

I will take double my allotted lunch period.

I will return and start all over with the email and Statcounter and Amazon in case something happened during that hour or so I was gone.

It will usually be nothing.

I will do one more round of checks and switch-overs and do this until it is time to go home.

I will go home and no one will have gotten hurt or maimed or sworn at all day long.

I will eat something for dinner in front of the TV.

I will go to bed and wake up.

I will go to work in the morning and no one will stop me.

I wish someone would stop me.
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