Cooking
by Grant Bailie
His grandmother's recipe called for the pasta dough to be beaten with a bone--and not just any bone either. It had to be a human femur. This was his first hurdle. Where would he get such a thing at this hour in this part of town? Or, for that matter, at any hour, in any part of town?
It was a forty mile drive on bad roads to the family graveyard but there was little else he could think of. He dug up his grandmother. With some kicking and some wacking with the shovel, he forced loose her femur, retrieved it from inside the folds of the rotting housedress she had been buried in, and put it in the back seat of his car.
On the way home he stopped for some garlic, oregano and ginger. The ginger wasn't for this meal—it was for something else he was planning in a few days. One of his father's recipes—a lemon ginger chicken. The chicken breast would have to be pummeled for three hours straight with a bloody fist. He was not looking much forward to that.
This is why he usually ordered out, but these were the high holy days and tradition was tradition.
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wonderful, funny, great
really liked "The ginger wasn't for this meal - it was for something else he was planning in a few days."
if this hasn't been published my only nit would be the last sentence of second graf - i'd suggest - "...her femur, retrieved it from inside the folds of her rotted housedress, and chucked it into the back of his car." (ie, i'd say rotted over rotting unless she just recently died and i'd cut the "she had been buried in")
this is great. welcome!!
Oh this is fun! This man has to go through such obstacles just for a meal. You just take it all seriously as the absurdities compound. Love it!
Nice glimpse into something that feels larger, weirder... if you play with this more, I'd dump the last sentence and expound more on what the high holy days are (not as exposition, but as something he's actively doing, as he is with the meal-making). The first three graphs are a great entree into this absurd world, but the final line feels a bit like it's making a joke of what's come before.
funny, funny, and damn great.
This is a good read.
Fun!
Excellent. Always looking for new recipes.
"tradition was tradition"
Funny stuff.
Ha! Love this short, Grant, esp. the ginger. Great ending as well.
Rad.
Strange and beautiful and funny.