yaaaay i got the job at deutsche bank!!!!! 5 people like this.

by Django Wylie

you'll call it jealousy, but i promise you

it's really not, because i wouldn't like

to have your life any more than i would

mine. because really, i lead a life not

unlike that of a housecat, knocking

around and getting spooked by closing

doors when i know nobody is in.


what more do you want me to say

to you other than ‘yes, your interns

are really very attractive, and yes

i guess you really made it, bro,

you ought to be proud.'


and what of the fact that i spend too

much time walking at an aggravated

pace down the street, avoiding the

eyes of passersby and charity pickers

with clipboards and buckets, who

seem to pity me more than their chosen



i guess it worked out for the best

between us, because we need never

see each other again, and we'll only

continue to know each other through

heavily moderated status updates, online.


and in two years time when you're all

happy and i'm still hungover and still

near the middle of infinite jest, we

may stumble across each other in

some terrible chain pub, but retract

like snails instead of acknowledging,

and i'll look over


and see you paired off and smiling

and i'll have to agree that that suit

looks very sharp and yes, your p.a.

is very attractive, and i guess things

really worked out for you, bro.


trust me when i say i'm not jealous

of you, we've just chosen different paths,

is all, and i won't hold a grudge

if i don't get an invite to your expensive

wedding, because i'll still silently click

through the photos, half-dressed

on one of those days


when i'm hungover and still near the

middle of infinite jest, and i'll smile,

not at all resentfully, and briefly

consider liking a photo, because i

have to agree that your wife really

is very pretty, and you do look happy

and i guess you really made it, bro,

you ought to be proud.