Terror From Above
by D. Ohana
A shadowless form plummeted from the overcast skies upon the unsuspecting below. No remote pilot thousands of miles away guided this particular attack.
Waves of fear scattered the survivors in a thousand directions.
Short lived fear to be sure, perhaps remembered by the lucky ones when the pelican strikes again.
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Author's Note
This is a rewrite from a more linear and ponderous first version. I am attempting to leave spaces for the reader's imagination to fill in.
If you have ever been witness to the fishing prowess of brown pelicans, this will seem familiar to you.
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Sorry. Still ponderous. Try compressing to a paragraph or maybe even a haiku.
Better. Much better.
Cut what spells things out, the personification (an insult to pelicans everywhere), and half the modifiers and see if it it doesn't cut with greater force.