Terror From Above
by D. Ohana
A shadowless form plummeted from the overcast skies upon the unsuspecting below. No remote pilot thousands of miles away guided this particular attack.
Waves of fear scattered the survivors in a thousand directions.
Short lived fear to be sure, perhaps remembered by the lucky ones when the pelican strikes again.
|
0
favs |
1127 views
2 comments |
100 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
This is a rewrite from a more linear and ponderous first version. I am attempting to leave spaces for the reader's imagination to fill in.
If you have ever been witness to the fishing prowess of brown pelicans, this will seem familiar to you.
Other stories by D. Ohana
Tags
This story has no tags.
Groups
-
The Workshop
Public group143 members -
Short Shorts
Public group205 members -
Short FICTION
Public group49 members -
Under the Paving Stones, the Beach
Public group7 members -
FLASH PARTY
Public group50 members -
prose poems
Public group89 members
Comments
You must
log in
to post comments.
Sorry. Still ponderous. Try compressing to a paragraph or maybe even a haiku.
Better. Much better.
Cut what spells things out, the personification (an insult to pelicans everywhere), and half the modifiers and see if it it doesn't cut with greater force.