• Angelcity1.thumb
    Chris Okum
    Jan 05, 12:24am

    Hey everyone, it's the Jew here, and I'd like to apologize. My job for the last 20-plus years has been to man the Weather Weapon that's causing so much havoc around the Globe. Yes, I've made some mistakes (sorry, Kentucky! [Note from Supervisor: this particular Jew is not the only employee who oversees the Weather Weapon, and we are currently doing an internal investigation in order to find out who created the recent super tornado. We have found that this particular Jew is both overly self-flagellating and prone to delusions of grandeur, traits that are not common to him alone, even though he seems to possess more of both than most]), but most of the time I do my job as efficiently and professionally as possible. However, starting last year, due to cutbacks here at N.O.S.H. (National Organization of Semitic Heretics [Note from Supervisor: Please understand that because we Jews are both arch-Capitalists AND arch- Communists, we sometimes go around in fiscal circles that cannot be squared. At least, that’s what we like to tell ourselves. Personally, I think the Board of Directors are, to a man, very cheap, which pains me to say]), I was tasked with creating the Bio-Weapon also known as "The Covid Vaccine." Originally, our plan was to create and distribute a vaccine that would render WASPs (and only WASPs [Note from Supervisor: this seems important to state here, because WASPs are the only target we really care about, ever, so when this particular Jew makes this specific qualification it seems to me rather redundant. Of course we are targeting the WASPs. We want their women because their women are freaking awesome. It’s pretty simple and should actually go without saying, but this particular Jew has a bad habit of qualifying everything he’s about to say, which is something we are working on, or, at least, Human Resources is supposed to be working on it. We don’t know. Most of the people who work in HR also double as collectors of toddler plasma, and as of today they are a little slammed with requests from those in Hollywood – particularly Nicholas Cage – for this invaluable substance, which, to be honest with you, really does work]) impotent and/or sterile, but I really screwed up on the chemistry of the thing (I flunked both math and science in college [Note from Supervisor: this is both true and untrue. This particular Jew did take math and science in college, but he didn’t have to, as it wasn’t a requirement since he was a Drama major. After some independent research we have concluded that this particular Jew flunked math and science in college as a way to get back at his mother. He is currently in therapy, natch]) and now it looks like the only side effects of the vaccine is going to be the onset of the some late adult acne for everyone who took it, most likely in the genital region. But don't worry, it's not the herpes! I swear! And again, I'm sorry for any discomfort you may encounter. It's hard running the world, you know? Anyway, I have to get back to work. There's a big snowstorm I have to generate that will hopefully take out the grid in Idaho (at least momentarily [Note from Supervisor: we are hoping it is permanent, actually]). L'chaim!

  • Better.thumb

    That's fucking awesome.

    I always knew it was ... well, you know.

    Keep them HOPPING, CHris!!!


  • You must log in to reply to this thread.