Forum / What Conscious Uncoupling Really Sounds Like

  • Angelcity1.thumb
    Chris Okum
    Mar 27, 12:33am

    I'm tired of having sex with you and I have been for a long time now, at least more than half the time we've been married, and I'm tired of cheating on you, I want to have sex with other people and not have to worry about it, I mean, I don't want to feel guilty anymore, I don't like feeling guilty, why should I feel guilty, so I paid a lot of money to consult with some very enlightened people, and they told me I shouldn't feel guilty anymore about doing what I want because I can't do what other people want, I can only do what I want, and what I want to do is have sex with other people, because to be honest with you, having sex with you is really boring, even though I know I pretend like it's not, and that's dishonest of me, I'm going to try and be more honest with you from now on, starting now as a matter of fact, so yes, I'm being honest when I tell you that if I have to look at you one more time while your lying on top of me I think I'm going to go crazy, I just can't do it anymore, and it's not you, it would be anyone, I don't think I could take it if I had to have sex with the same person over and over again for ten straight years, even though that's what I've been taught is the right thing to do, see, that was me being unconscious, not even thinking, just going to along with what I'm supposed to do, but now I'm conscious, I'm awake, and it took me a long time and a lot of money to get to this point, to be able to stand in front of you and say that I don't want to be a couple anymore, I want to be able to have the opportunity to be a couple with someone else, because I'm not happy, and that's what's most important, that's what they told me, these were very spiritual people, they told me that the only thing that's important in life is to be happy, to do what you want, because being able to do what you want when you want is really the only way to attain true happiness, and isn't that what you want, for me, to be happy, isn't that what you're supposed to want for someone you love, for them to be happy, and fulfilled, right, isn't that the point of love, even if it makes you unhappy, and I can tell you're unhappy right now, but I can't worry about that, I can't think about that, because if I think about that right now it will make me feel guilty and they told me, they all told me, guilt is a worthless emotion, there's no point to guilt, you do what you want and don't worry about how if affects other people, which at first, you know, when they told me that it sounded kind of, what, Satanic, you know, because it does, it sounds Satanic, but I'm not Satanic, I'm just sick and tired of feeling your penis inside of me, or, rather, of not feeling your penis inside of me, because to be honest with you, I can't feel you inside of me anymore, and that has nothing to do with your size, baby, because you're fucking huge, it's just, I don't know, I'm so used to it now, I can't feel anything when you're inside of me even though I know I pretend like I do, I make that face when you first put it inside of me, that wincey face you think is so hot, but it's a lie, I don't feel like wincing anymore when you put it inside of me, I feel like yawning, or maybe that's not true, that's mean, that's not what I mean, see, I'm feeling guilty, but that was just mean, I'm not trying to be mean, all I mean is that it's just not working for me anymore, even though it seems to still be working for you, because every time you put it inside of me you make that face, like it's the first time for you, and I don't know if you're pretending but I don't think you are, you look like you're really enjoying it, which is good for you but not so good for me, and I have to think about me, not you, not the kids, about me, see, because what they told me is that worrying about how other people feel is toxic, it like, it actually creates toxin in your bodies, and these toxins turn into cancer, and I don't want to get cancer, my dad died of cancer, and it was horrible, watching his die of cancer, and I know that's not what you want, you don't want me to get cancer, right, you wouldn't want to watch me die of cancer, because you love me, and I love you, I do, it's just that I don't want you to fucking touch me anymore, I can't stand it when you touch me, when you come up from behind when I'm trying to make dinner, like last night when I was steaming the kale and you came up behind me and stuck your hand down my pants and started rubbing my pussy, I hate that, you can't do that anymore, I don't like it, it makes me want to kill you, who said you were allowed to just come up behind me and start rubbing my pussy when I'm trying to steam some kale, who said that's allowed, who said that is part of the marital contract, because it's not, and I don't have to let you do that anymore, because I want a divorce, even though that's not what I'm supposed to call it, especially not in front of the kids, and you better not either, don't you dare use that word, we are not getting a divorce, that's not what this is, all this is is me realizing, with the help of some very smart, well-centered people, that I don't have to suffer anymore, and I'm suffering, I'm not happy, I have to be happy, I want to be happy, and this is going to make me happy, happy, happy, so very happy happy happy.

  • Rebel.thumb
    Sally Houtman
    Mar 27, 07:36am

    Conscious uncoupling. The opposite of unconscious coupling, I believe.

    (Of which, btw, I'm a big fan.)

    :)

  • Darryl_falling_water.thumb
    Darryl Price
    Mar 27, 03:46pm

    There are so many answers to this.(1)What makes you think that your happiness is in someone else's hands?(2)You need to let everything you do, no matter how mundane or routine like cooking, be an act of love, which always includes you by the way. How? Consciously, I suppose. In other words, on purpose.(3)You do deserve to be happy, but happy is not a state you reach and then stay there.It's not an entitlement, trophy or reward. It's an experience you get through giving, through balance, through sharing, etc. You'll be happy when you let yourself be happy.You have to believe in happiness, which still isn't enough. You have to know it, be the knowledge of it in your body, in your brain, in your soul. But you still won't be able to possess it because it's either free or dead.(4)Happiness and boredom do not go together. Happiness and coercion do not go together.(5)It doesn't matter what I say. What matters is your own deepest feeling.(6)That's the response this story evoked in me.

  • 313453_168855703208928_100002534976243_318171_951471678_n-1.thumb
    Oliver Hunt
    Mar 27, 07:01pm

    I read this post right after reading a book of George Saunders' stories.

    I mean, there is that.

  • Angelcity1.thumb
    Chris Okum
    Mar 27, 07:05pm

    Was it The Tenth of December. Huge fan of Saunders (who isn't), but not too crazy about that book. I mean, better than most, but not his best.

  • 313453_168855703208928_100002534976243_318171_951471678_n-1.thumb
    Oliver Hunt
    Mar 27, 10:29pm

    Pastoralia.

  • Angelcity1.thumb
    Chris Okum
    Mar 27, 10:51pm

    Jah.

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