Forum / The Children Of The Brown Group At The Early Start Elementary School In Santa Clara, California Interview A Homeless Man Who Has Wandered On To Their Playground

• 
  Chris Okum

  Dec 12, 09:36pm

  "Do you find it difficult not to feel like an outsider in a group of people you don't know?"
  "I feel like an outsider when I'm with myself."
  "Do you consider it likely that there could be an evolutionary regression that would take us back to a very primitive stage of existence?"
  "You don't need a regression to go backwards. Going forwards is going backwards, too. Progression is regression."
  "Do you believe in the existence of extra-terrestrial beings?"
  "I can't believe in that shit. I can barely believe in the existence of terrestrial beings."
  "How do you picture your old age?"
  "I'm not going to live to an old age."
  "What do you think of Christmas without a Christmas tree?"
  "I think your parents must hate you."
  "How do react to negative criticism?"
  "I guess I don't react to it very well, now do I."
  "What party game do you like the best?"
  "Spin the frost-bitten toe that has fallen off someone else's foot."
  "What do you think about the hostility toward children in America?"
  "Better you than me."
  "Do you see the mentally ill as a burden to our society?"
  "The mentally ill are running our society."
  "Do you think that suicide can be justified on principle?"
  "Yes, especially if your mother lets you out of the house wearing a sweater like that. That is the ugliest sweater I have ever seen. Congratulations."
  "Do you find it difficult to show your feelings uninhibitedly to someone close to you?"
  "If someone is standing to close to me I have no problem telling them to fuck off in the loudest voice possible."
  "Under what conditions would you be prepared to make a great sacrifice?"
  "For a new pair of shoes that fit me."
  "In a time of personal crisis would you consult a psychiatrist or a psychologist?"
  "There's nothing in this life that a good screw can't take care of, so I would have to say a psychiatrist. Psychologists are lousy lays."
  "What degree have you earned?"
  "I have a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing from the University of Iowa."
  "Would you be willing to adopt a handicapped child?"
  "Oh, sure, that sounds like a lot of fun."
  "Do you think other people like you?"
  "I know for a fact that no one likes me. I don't have any friends. I used to have a lot of friends. But then they all went away."
  "Do you look forward to the future, or do you approach it with pessimism?"
  "I think approaching the future with pessimism is the ultimate form of optimism."
  "Were you brought up in an authoritarian way? If so, do you regret it?"
  "My parents were kind and loving people. They were very supportive of me. They never laid on hand on me. They told me I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up. They threw me lavish birthday parties. They kissed and hugged me every chance they got. They were the best parents in the world and I am sad that they are gone. I miss them terribly."
  "When and why were you last embarrassed?"
  "Yesterday I had to use a public restroom because I had to take a shit. When I was done shitting I got up from the seat and went to wash my hands. A man in a three piece suit came in after me and went right into the stall I had just used. Unfortunately I forgot to flush the toilet. The man in the three-piece suit looked in the toilet and saw what I had left and vomited on the floor. It made me blush, I have to admit."
  "What does you self-confidence rest on?"
  "My striking good looks."
  "What do consider most important in a relationship between partners?"
  "That one of them had more power than the other and uses that power to control the actions of the other."
  "Do you see nuclear power plants as a threat?"
  "Yes, they are a threat, and thank God."
  "Do you allow yourself to be influenced by other people's moods?"
  "My entire existence is based on other people's moods."
  "What do you think is needed for the perfect Sunday morning?"
  "French toast, a pot of coffee, "Bel Air" by Can, the Sunday New York Times, a newspaper so perfect you don't want it to end, and a naked Sybill Danning circa 1982."
  "In your experience, what trait or what kind of behavior had turned out to be particularly helpful in establishing contact with others?"
  "Clean underwear."

• 
  Letitia Coyne

  Dec 13, 12:37am

  Ha! Truth.
  Lxx

• 
  Sally Houtman

  Dec 14, 06:48am

  Finally got a chance to read this.

  Holy crap this is funny.

  Faving it.

  Oh...where's the fave button gone...

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