Ted,thank you for the comments on "Losing Marlene." This was one of the first stories I wrote, nearly 18 years ago. You are correct about the familiarity of conflict and story. As "Losing Marlene" progresses, however, the story reveals additional relationship issues, beyond Marlene's dislike for Dave's drinking and writing, that contribute to the breakup.
My intent was to create a situation in which an individual, in this case Dave, truly wants to change his behavior but in the end finds it impossible to do so.
One editor who rejected "Losing Marlene" said she enjoyed the writing and the voice but that nothing really happens in the story. I think part of her inability to not realize what happens in the end is due to the subtle way in which the final scene concludes. It is so subtle, in fact, that I don't think Dave even realizes the decision he makes. And maybe that is part of the problem, although I won't change it because I think the final image is pretty powerful and points
James, thank you for the incredibly in-depth comment on my story. It was really interesting to read. I'm glad that you didn't think it was all schtick. That was very important to me. The style was needed in order to be appealing and fun but I did want to ensure the piece had heart.
I'm not sure I viewed god in the way you read though. I'll accept full responsibility for any reading of it of course but the last line was intended to show a bit of how pleased he was that the pair were moving on. Like a parent pushing the kids out of the nest.
I'm going to give it all a bit more thought now because I'm starting on a continuation of it.
Thanks for your response to my story and for letting me know what line resonated with you.
Fascinating comment on my "Julia" poem. Thank you, Ted. Having the mortician's baby --yes, the future will not be entirely pain free.
Ted,thank you for the comments on "Losing Marlene." This was one of the first stories I wrote, nearly 18 years ago. You are correct about the familiarity of conflict and story. As "Losing Marlene" progresses, however, the story reveals additional relationship issues, beyond Marlene's dislike for Dave's drinking and writing, that contribute to the breakup.
My intent was to create a situation in which an individual, in this case Dave, truly wants to change his behavior but in the end finds it impossible to do so.
One editor who rejected "Losing Marlene" said she enjoyed the writing and the voice but that nothing really happens in the story. I think part of her inability to not realize what happens in the end is due to the subtle way in which the final scene concludes. It is so subtle, in fact, that I don't think Dave even realizes the decision he makes. And maybe that is part of the problem, although I won't change it because I think the final image is pretty powerful and points
James, thank you for the incredibly in-depth comment on my story. It was really interesting to read. I'm glad that you didn't think it was all schtick. That was very important to me. The style was needed in order to be appealing and fun but I did want to ensure the piece had heart.
I'm not sure I viewed god in the way you read though. I'll accept full responsibility for any reading of it of course but the last line was intended to show a bit of how pleased he was that the pair were moving on. Like a parent pushing the kids out of the nest.
I'm going to give it all a bit more thought now because I'm starting on a continuation of it.
Thank you.