Spandex & WWF Lady takes questions

1. Spandex

 

Professional wrestling is education. It is morality tales, good versus evil in spandex. Uninformed people say: That is stupid. Those people are not real Americans. They say: Professional wrestling is rigged. Of course it is rigged. Everything is rigged. The problem is not that the game is rigged. The problem is that communists do not accept that the game is rigged.  But we know that the arc of rigging game bends toward the powerful.  We know that the good are the powerful and the powerful are the good.  That is as nature intended.  The powerful are the powerful because they are adapted to what is required. To be adapted to what is required is good.  To be powerful is good. That is reality. That is our all-American reality. Professional wrestling is all-American reality fed back on itself: it is a spectacle made of the way things really are. It shows real Americans that the way things are is the way things have to be. It reminds them that equality is spandex.  You are not owed spandex.  You cannot demand spandex.  You get a job, you go out and you buy spandex. Then you can make a little Equality Outfit and wear it to a wrestling event. But you can't get in the ring. Dressing like equality doesn't make you equal. You don't stop being a spectator because you pretend you're someone else. Professional wrestling shows this---and that is why the communists hate it. But we are not communists. We are Americans. We are real Americans who don't care what they think, and don't need the education that makes them possible.  Real Americans need professional wrestling. They love the kafaybe---and that's what we intend to give them.  That is why I am ordering the employees of the Department of Education to commit ritual suicide.  I'll be providing information as to methods and timing in the coming days.  Stay tuned, America.

 

 

 

 

2. WWF Lady takes questions.

 

We're closing the Department of Education. To do that, we ordered 5000 people to commit suicide.

 

It was a hard decision. But that's what leadership is. Making hard decisions.

We looked at the situation. We looked at the data. The conclusion was inescapable. The numbers don't lie.

 

Which numbers? The ratings. The idea of eliminating government department by department is very popular with the viewing public.

 

We looked at the numbers and had no choice. We ordered all department employees to commit suicide. We let them choose their termination date within a defined range of options because of the logistics of mass-suicide management.

 

We can't just leave them in chairs or on the ground…

But wait…I want to stress this….we let them choose their own approach to suicide. 

Why? Freedom. Freedom is why we let them choose. American freedom. The American freedom that we're turning into American greatness. The kind of freedom where Leadership can say: “All of you have to kill yourselves.” and the people say: “Really?” and the Leader says: “Yes” and the people are sad trombones. Then the Leader says: “The numbers don't lie.” and the people say “That's OK.” and the leader says: “But you can choose how you want to do it” and the people say: “USA! USA!”

 

The freedom to choose how we kill ourselves. There's nothing more American.