Campaign Speech

by stephen hastings-king

I'd like to be re-elected so this statement is false. So is this statement. This statement is false. This is also false. False. False again. Another false statement. This one's a whopper. Now a lie. I just made up this one.

Here I am saying something that is false. Adding a bit of lunacy to spice up the falseness, followed by a lie. Taking another running start at saying something that is not false only to be pulled by the magnetic field of lying, too strong, can't resist, so, while I'm here, let me take credit for things other people did.

Yes vote for me they all lie I will never OK I just did so let me follow up with a false statement topped by a couple nutty opinions about forestry.

Now I refer to the ever-growing crowd of imaginary people who would be wiling to testify in a court of law, if they existed, that these statements about me are lies, repeated by the enemy of the people, all of you are the enemy of the people except the 20% of you that I like and that is a statement that you can rely on to be false.

Here I want to pause for a minute to say something false then cover it over with a series of lies about my opponents and their drug-taking habits which are strangely like my own or would be were that that statement not false, which it is.

Vote for me followed by a series of false statements about rigged elections. Here I am lying. In my next sentence even the conjunctions are false. You can take this false statement to the bank, take this false financial statement to the bank and they will give you leverage except that is not true either.

Now let's talk about all the things I am not responsible for.