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I Took Part in 5 Orgies, Which I Liked, and Got Pounded into Shit


by Crabby McGrouchpants


                   "Oh,  I left my core of self in some dude's car who I sang 'Gigantic' and 'Headstrong' in a band on New Year's Eve with . . . but . . . whatever, right?  If you haven't heard of a Bennington-[or Middleburys — ed.]-like school in Boston . . . called (giggling) Thor-eau . . . (waves hand) Naw, I'm just kidding . . . (rolls eyes; looks up, seems to be calculating something in her head, then:) It wasn't [screech on the first syllable, not unlike a microphone — ed.] just an art school . . . it was (tosses hair, like she's getting down to business [like she knows what that is; it's portable anyplace — ed.] kinda (makes "so-so" gesture with left hand) early 90's til '94 wish I was Bret Easton Ellis read Joan Didion so I could write The Rules of Attraction [and "The Bennington Sex Scandal," Rolling Stone Oct. 1990 — ed.] instead of being stretched so thin I snapped visited by a boy who would've done anything for me including faking being Oliver Sacks 'cause he took the only salaried job he could before his resume hole swallowed him up but I was gone, past gone, living in a halfway house running 4 hr.s a day 7 days a week I'm 74 lbs default anorexic by exertion Why am I doing this? years pass and I met age 30 when it had been transited gracefully by few you'd know personally by working as a maid part-time in a hotel when I'm not sending him unholy emails like "You give me homicidal and suicidal feelings, sorry" and "I've never known someone who's friend's suitemate committed suicide whoa dude, how tragic!" and living as acuity inverted as I am now dangerous very dangerous I'll apologize for stuff I needn't, couldn't, shouldn't like a Ms. Pac-Man eating up dots I'll beeline others unawares 'I'm just trying to be friendly!' and talk about 'life lessons!' even though I'm missing layers of self you couldn't imagine gone — "

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