by Shan Shaikh

          I've been silent for a long time. All my life, actually. And it never occurred to me whether or not that was a bad thing. It has definitely given me a lot of time to think. But, one thing that silence has granted me is the ability to listen. Really listen. And listening, properly, can be quite the thought provoker. I don't mean thoughts that branch off to what your favorite TV show is, or why your dinner smelled like your school lunch. I'm talking about thoughts that lead to questions, which lead to more thoughts about said questions, and before you know it you're thinking about what kind of person your kids will think you are. That's what I love. And because I love that, I suffer. I'm lost in a world I've created in my head, and it only gets bigger as the days continue to roll one after the other. They trample over any opportunity I have of merging myself with this world. I'm pulled in so many directions, and I can barely spill what I'm thinking now onto this blank document. I'm drowning in everything I feel, hear, and want to say. But my problem doesn't lie in my inability to speak. My problem lies in my acceptance of that statement. And that's why this will be the thought that will not provoke further exploration of who I am, but rather, why I am.