A Letter Opener

by Peter Cherches


I opened my mailbox. There was a letter inside. I opened the envelope, but inside was another unopened envelope and a letter opener. Okay. I used the letter opener to open the other envelope. Inside that envelope was a letter, I'm happy to report. It was from my foster child in Monte Carlo, a boy named Monty or Carlo, I can never remember which since he always signs his letters Sonny. The letter explained that the letter opener was lifted from the pocket of the rogue who was sleeping with his mother, my foster child's mother, that is, not the rogue's mother, oh no, nothing that Oedipal. Anyway, the kid thought I'd like the letter opener (I did) and he explained that he had written the accompanying letter to serve a twofold purpose: (a) to explain the letter opener, and (b) so I'd have a letter to open.