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Trying to get drunk in Los Angeles


by P. Jonas Bekker


Getting the beer was easy enough 'cause Sallie is 21 and he went to the gas station across the street and got us two cartons of Bud and I screamed to him to get some Foster's as well 'cause American beer tastes like piss so there were two cartons of pint cans of Foster's as well it was Plant's birthday we don't even really like Plant don't really dislike him either just that he never says much but we wanted to party so we went back and forth to the ice machine with our buckets and filled the bathtub of 104 and us guys from 108 came over and started the thing off bringing Plant a Venice Beach t-shirt as a present and Gross Stu was pissing in the toilet while we were getting new beers and all of us were sitting on the beds and the floor 'cause there was only one chair but after an hour or so the motel manager came and screamed at us in one of those bright yellow business suits only American women can wear telling us to break it up and I don't mean in ten minutes I mean now or there will be trouble so me and Jacko stuffed our pockets with wet Foster's leaving the Bud for the losers and the other guys went to their rooms but we sat on the stairs by the pool to finish of the beer but this guy came out of 05 and started talking about how he was a really light sleeper and how he realized we were trying to be quiet but our murmur was keeping him awake and he had a business meeting in the morning and he was really relaxed and reasonable about it so we went out into the parking lot and sat on a curb but after another pint or so the security guard shone his Maglite on us and told us we should ditch the beer or go inside cuz the bars would be closing soon and the cops would be patrolling the street busting all the drunks and did we want to spend the night in jail it was our choice he was just trying to give us some good advice but we didn't want to be arrested so we just gave up and went to bed.
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