Among the Orangutans

by Joseph E. Lerner

Adele was beautiful and Frank plain, but she let him make love to her anyway. However, the next morning, Frank saw, to his disgust, that her fine red-blond hair also tapered to a long downy beard. 

Later Frank met Dan for lunch. Dan too was quite furry, though much handsomer than Frank. Should Frank, no longer interested in Adele, try to set her up with Dan? After all, Frank was very fond of Dan. They even had had sex once. Frank tried to remember why the act had never been repeated. It wasn't, he thought, because of Dan's hairiness but because he, Frank, always thought of himself as heterosexual. And Dan also thought of himself as heterosexual. But were they mistaken about their orientation, their mutual non-attraction?

The two friends tried to thrash it out over lunch. They didn't realize that Cindy, Adele's best friend, sat one table over and was eavesdropping on their conversation. After they left (the discussion, apparently, unresolved), Cindy, furious and in tears, hurried to Adele's house. 

How could you have betrayed me—and to such an ugly man! she demanded.

Adele embraced Cindy (who herself was homely, though loathe to admit it), cocooning her friend in a haze of feathery red-blond curls. But while kissing the (smooth) nape of Cindy's neck, Adele imagined the two of them cavorting among the orangutans of Borneo, where she had once been a field primatologist and had first acquired a taste for both the hirsute and bestial.