This schematic is good but I think it needs some specific details to become a fully developed story. Too much is general, such as "He's too focused on his career". The couple remain stereotypes without something to make them visible as breathing man and woman.
David and Steven thanks so much fore reading and faving this one. It's a bit risky but it felt good to finally put it down somewhere.
Thanks Gary for your comment. I think what you are saying is, I need to Lydia Davis the shit out of this. That is my ultimate aspiration. Of course, the next iteration may get me closer to that goal...we shall see.
enjoyed the rhythm of this; do you know Nataliz Ginzburg's He and I? I teach it sometimes, for just this reason--the back and forth rhythm (if you google it, you can get a pdf from Duke U, which is actually a xerox from the Philip Lopate book I use in my class--I recognized the font and intro :)
Thanks, John. Working this small brings up all sorts of challenges. Sometimes, I like to start with the obvious and then dig. A nudge in a direction is always helpful.
The challenge of writing flash that is also worth calling fiction is a big one. Well done Gessy, I think this is an excellent piece. You explore an idea rather than the characters and I hugely enjoyed it.
More flash please.
Glad to read this after meeting you. I agree with others here: so emotionally complex, but here it is clear, simple, and incredibly honest. Not an easy piece to pull off. Brava!
Fave, Gessy. I find this a very good, well-written story. Thanks for letting me read it.
I left you a note on FB I think. Good stuff.
This schematic is good but I think it needs some specific details to become a fully developed story. Too much is general, such as "He's too focused on his career". The couple remain stereotypes without something to make them visible as breathing man and woman.
David and Steven thanks so much fore reading and faving this one. It's a bit risky but it felt good to finally put it down somewhere.
Thanks Gary for your comment. I think what you are saying is, I need to Lydia Davis the shit out of this. That is my ultimate aspiration. Of course, the next iteration may get me closer to that goal...we shall see.
yes, it's a good one. sad, puts me in a blue place. *
enjoyed the rhythm of this; do you know Nataliz Ginzburg's He and I? I teach it sometimes, for just this reason--the back and forth rhythm (if you google it, you can get a pdf from Duke U, which is actually a xerox from the Philip Lopate book I use in my class--I recognized the font and intro :)
Thanks, James. Always lovely to see your comments.
Thanks so much Jane. I've never heard of Nataliz Ginzburg. Will check this out.
What a great expression. Lydia Davis the shit out it. I guess that could be taken two ways.
I like the clarity and honesty. It would be great if there were more.*
Thanks, John. Working this small brings up all sorts of challenges. Sometimes, I like to start with the obvious and then dig. A nudge in a direction is always helpful.
Wow Gessy. You say so much in such a small amount of time. Everything seems essential. Nice Write.
The challenge of writing flash that is also worth calling fiction is a big one. Well done Gessy, I think this is an excellent piece. You explore an idea rather than the characters and I hugely enjoyed it.
More flash please.
Powerful, Gessy. This story leaves a lot with me--great writing. *
Thanks, Foster!
gawd, really sad..nice one, G. *
Always enjoy your work. Clear, concise prose the illuminates so much more than is on the written page. Not easily accomplished.
Sadly we can't change the past, and some cannot change who they are.
Thanks Penny, Gary, and Gloria. Really appreciate the read.
Empty womb, barren, inner lights. *
Yes, Ann very much that way. Now, I'm happy I wrote this. Thank you for your gift, Ann.
Agree with others about the simple clarity of this. Very effective the way you switch the tense half way through.
Glad to read this after meeting you. I agree with others here: so emotionally complex, but here it is clear, simple, and incredibly honest. Not an easy piece to pull off. Brava!
Thanks, Eamon and Jen. Glad you enjoyed it. I like shifting tenses in a piece. For me, it adds music and motion to a piece.
Excellent piece. *
Thanks, Beate!