February 14
I don't need to hear you say “I love you”, I
want to know you do by the look in your eyes,
the touch of your hand, the way you listen when
I talk. I don't need candy, flowers, diamonds or
trips around the world. I only need you to be there
during my darkest hours when I cover my head
and wail like a lost child because life has left me
bereft. I need you by my side when it counts: when
the hurricane is coming, when loved ones die, when
friends desert, when I fall into the biggest, darkest
hole I've ever been in in my life and I push you away
and say I hate you and I hate my life and all other
manner of despicable things. I want to know you
will never, ever leave me.
want to know you do by the look in your eyes,
the touch of your hand, the way you listen when
I talk. I don't need candy, flowers, diamonds or
trips around the world. I only need you to be there
during my darkest hours when I cover my head
and wail like a lost child because life has left me
bereft. I need you by my side when it counts: when
the hurricane is coming, when loved ones die, when
friends desert, when I fall into the biggest, darkest
hole I've ever been in in my life and I push you away
and say I hate you and I hate my life and all other
manner of despicable things. I want to know you
will never, ever leave me.
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12
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789 views
20 comments |
134 words
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Author's Note
Published in Camroc Press Review, March 2015
First read here. Thanks, friends!
Other stories by Charlotte Hamrick
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Love. **
I remember reading this on CPR. Stunned me then and now.*
This would be better in the second person.
Reminds me of this by Lao Tzu: "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." *
Beautiful! *
Great balance in this piece. Especially like the dark closing. Good approach to the sonnet. I like it.
Terrific! Terrific! Terrific!
*
(PLEASE don't change this to second person!)
Rachna, Amanda, Rene, Sam, thank you so much for your kind words.
Samuel, thanks for reading.
Mathew, I'm glad you shared that, it's lovely!
Bill, so glad you like! No worries, second person would destroy the mood and intent.
Kathy, thanks for the fave. xo
What we all want.
Powerful, brutal, tender stuff.
Indeed, Gary.
Thank you, Darryl.
Are the cliches intended?
The reason I ask is because I myself have written poems where the cliches are intended. The trick is to include as many cliches as possible in a way that the poem will cease to be cliche.
I liked the honesty of this. *
SDR, I wrote what was in my heart in the moment. It's true there are no new or original thoughts under the sun but we all share sadness, fear, and hopelessness at some point in our lives. Some people identify with this, some don't. That's ok with me.
Gary, I'm glad you recognize it. Thank you.
I love how raw and honest this is!
I appreciate that, Renee. Thanks for the read.
Beautiful and strong. *
*, Enjoyed this strong admission on Camroc, enjoyed it here...again.
Thanks so much for your kind words, John and David.