Excerpts from Rejection Letters I Might Have Recently Received

by Boudreau Freret

"Regardless of how you were able to persuade our mothers to write letters of recommendation, we still must pass on this..."

 “We concede that the twist at the end was, in fact, ‘redonkulous,' however, we must pass…”


“Please respect the restraining order…”

"While we did get a hearty chuckle out of A Slow and Painful Death, it isn't a good fit for us..."

"We agree that it is a very sparkly photograph of (what appears to be?) a ferret, but we have to pass on the story..."

"Although impressive that your coffee mug story 'makes people cry,' we have to pass..."

"... these butterfly drawings, however cute, just aren't a good match for Penthouse..."

"We appreciate that '[your] mother loves everything that [you've] ever written,' but we just can't use any of these..."

"... however, including a lock of hair (?) in the envelope failed to overcome the weakness of the writing..."

"We enjoyed reading this more than chewing tinfoil, but have to pass on this."

"You suck. Really, just stop it. Don't even write for your own pleasure. Have some respect for the trees."

"You are correct that Frog and Toad Have Sex does take the series in a new direction, but it isn't one that we want to explore at this time."

"Mom recently said that she wondered what you were up to these days..."

“Unfortunately, the story failed to ‘make [us your] bitch' as promised in your query.”