Kinky Eggs
by Beth Thomas
Every morning, Ann reaches to turn on the stove, reading the labels as if she's never seen them before. Right-front, left-rear, left-front, right-rear. She places a pan, lights the appropriate fire. She plucks two eggs from the carton, weighs and measures them with the cup of her palm, the curve of her fingers. She raises them to her lips briefly before tapping them, inserting her thumb, and emptying their contents into the pan. She licks her lips at the steam, the sizzle.
Across the room, the baby swing mobile plays a soothing oceanic shushing sound; the baby asleep, rocking to a quiet tick tock tick tock. The plastic aquarium scene pulsates blue then pink, to the time of its insistent rhythmic shushing.
On the fire, the eggs set, flawless orbs of yellow on white. Ann adds salt, sugar, and mouths leftover grains from her fingertips. The baby fusses quietly; Ann's milk collects at the ready. There is a whisper of condensation on the stovetop's hood, which she fingers away, reluctant to turn on the noisy fan, and a likewise murmur of wetness between her legs, remembered and beloved. She reaches to turn the burner off, her hand slow on the dial, waiting for the precise moment when things go from not ready to ready.
Sensual stuff, here, Beth. All of the images work to a frenzy type thing.
Some places that put me there:
"cups of her palm"
"curve of her fingers"
"raises them to her lips"
"licks her lips at the steam, the sizzle"
"mouths leftover grains"
and, of course . . .
"murder of wetness between her legs"
In a short work you packed a lot of these in and it never seemed clunky from the effort.
Nice job.
Beth this is wonderful and oh so tender.
I love how it captures this quiet, mundane, breakfast ritual and illuminates it, intimately revealing this woman and mother.
I also love how you capture the sleeping baby, the vivid details are wonderful.
The only thing that tripped me up somewhat was the title and her keen attention to the eggs, weighing them and bringing them to her lips? I didn't quite understand it? It seemed an overstatement of her cherishing her aloneness, her ritual, before addressing the needs of her baby. I think the piece works wonderfully without pushing the egg trope this hard?
Great, great last line.
Just noticed I wrote murder. My bad. Haha. Hell fire. Murmer. Murmer. Okay. That's cleared up.
Perhaps I'm reading too much into "she fingers away, reluctant to turn on the noisy fan, and a likewise murmur of wetness between her legs, remembered and beloved." Has the father been killed, leaving the mother alone with this baby, thus leaving the mother such a kinky interest
in her time with the eggs?
I'll disagree, slightly, with Ethel about the last line. I don't think "...when things go from not ready to ready" is inelegant, but I think it could be smoother (and the "not ready" could be made implicit). A few alternatives: "...when things are no longer on the brink."; "...when things are all set."; or "...when things are in order." All three are synonyms of ready...and perhaps tie into the breakfast motif (particularly "all set"). I personally like "on the brink".
Actually, on the brink may be too on the nose. Not sure. In any event, something about "when things go from not ready to ready" reads a bit awkwardly to me.
Thanks everyone, for the notes and suggestions.
David, I had not given any thought to what had become of the father. I was just remembering what it was like to be home alone on maternity leave with the baby, trying to get back to "normal" -- waiting & hoping for that moment I became "ready." And the way that anything I did for myself had to be while the baby was sleeping... making it somewhat staged, then, and less real. This isn't there yet. I appreciate everyone's help!
Beth, I thought I might be bringing a bit too much to the party with my interpretation. In any event, I really enjoyed this piece and think you do a great job showing the staging and, relatedly, less real. I related to it, on some levels, just based on certain nights/weekends alone with my little ones.
Sensual, evocative. I don't know about the word "kinky" in the title, because the story isn't *quite* that to me-- it seems deeper than that.