YouPorn and Me

by Angela Kubinec

a woman in a German nightclub wears goggles to subject and protect

her eyelids from

[yes, Virginia, thereā€¦ are actual real people, really performing]

a circle jerk


all I can think about is those men around her head, communicating exactly how to erupt in unison

it is somehow mystical and crazily homoerotic and misogynistic all at once

she is laughing


I am smacked in the face myself, riveted


as one in three of you know,

someone from one in three American households looks at online porn every day

today I joined their ranks but not for the first time


so many holes to fill and targets to hit and buzzers to ring

what can one do but hope for everyone to experience

some form of relief

from an irritation that will not be soothed


at least not for an extended period


I click and find a girl who seems so gleeful, wiping semen from her lips and flashing a drippy

peace sign with her fingers just before turning off the camera

making me realize she is indeed safe

no one can say exactly what she has done without admitting to seeing it

how perfect


then on to a man who places his hand on his partner's chubby waist

as she bounces with confidence for the universe to behold

giving me a moist choking feeling, a blinking back against the logical


Who gets teary eyed at porn?


It is the mystery, the things I do not understand

the image that speaks of fun without fear of judgement

the tender second ticking away, too fast over