My Job Search Conveyed Through Excitable Trumpian Phraseology

by Miranda Merklein

Find the jobs & get a job is the goal at the center of my new agenda, which is: JOB, JOB, JOB! Thank you, unemployment!

A refrigerator full of groceries & a half tank of gas. A $75 investment. We are winning already, Kittens!

It's so pathetic that the Search Committee has still not reviewed my full application package. 

Is it true that the Search Committee did not even read my cover letter after listening to the VICIOUS LIES of my former department? Is that possible?

The FAKE PEER REVIEWERS have hacked my university email. This is Benghazi/O'Donnell all over again. Horrible (or sick) people!

Dave Scrimshaw isn't leaving the literature department voluntarily. He was dismissed by his bad (pathetic) student evaluations. Sad!

A qualified assistant dean could make a great case that Professor Scrimshaw was hacking my email in December, just prior to my Job Search!


We should launch an immediate investigation into the misreading of my work. It's not supposed to be form poetry or metered. What losers.

I will not attend the AWP conference this year. Please send my condolences and have a great panel!