Adjunct Survival Syllabus

by Miranda Merklein

Adjunct Survival Syllabus A.K.A. “LOL My Syllabus!”

ENG [insert lower division course number]

Summer 2014

American Myth University

Miramar McClaffey, Ph.D.

Days: M/W Time: 8 am — Whenever, Room: TBA

Office: NONE, Office Hours: On Demand

Contact Information: miramar.mcclaffey@americanmythu.edu. 

Required Texts:

1.)  Mary Martin Flan, Helpful Strategies for Easy As. Barten/St. Lucia Press, 2014. ISBN: 505-1-LULZ-0950-5.

2.)  Jerry P. Freemarkette, The Little, Expensive Handbook with Answers, 15th Edition. Spensive-Cashkow, 2015. ISBN: 978-0-MG-217S0-S.

3.)  A good phone app (or another good excuse for texting in class).

Students are NOT required to bring any materials to class.

Prerequisites: ENG 100 or override, computer access or access to essay-purchasing service materials.

Course Description and Learning Objectives:

ENG [insert] was historically-known to build on previous English composition and writing courses by focusing on major written forms of communication used in academic discourse communities. At the end of this course, students should be able to:

Print concise advertorials from the Internet

-  Write or make marks on loose-leaf paper in class (materials provided)

-  Staple

-  Read aloud (or pass)

-  Arrive to class on time at least once (or provide documentation as to why this expectation does not apply to you)

-  Prepare emails to be sent mid-semester presenting an important, personal tragedy, i.e., “death in the family” (No subject line needed)

-  Change fonts in Word

-  Discuss current events at-length, most importantly the Illuminati conspiracy

-  Maintain sobriety (or detox) during class


Attendance and Participation: 5%

Enrollment: 65%

Ability to purchase expensive new textbooks from the bookstore: 30%

Departmental Grading Guidelines

The following are the English Department's guidelines for grading papers:

A  Excellent demonstration of turning in an assignment. Paper or other classified project is typed, printed and stapled.

B  Good ability to recite a meaningful excuse for not being able to turn in assignment(s). Story is complicated but believable.

C  Satisfactory articulation of “believable story” via text message at least 72 hours after assignment deadline, with or without including your name.

D  Weak ability to negotiate grade or supply administration personnel to negotiate on your behalf.

F  Not applicable (A grade of Incomplete will be issued and later exchanged for an override after I am no longer employed by AMU.)


Attendance: Students are allowed three absences in this class without grade penalty, in theory. Go ahead and miss as many classes as you feel is appropriate. Life is complicated.

Written Assignments: All essays or essay attempts will be collected and returned to you with elaborate commentary that justifies your inflated grade.

Extra credit: Extra credit will be doled out by student request and calculated according to each individual student's needs and demands.

Conduct: Disruptive behavior is to be expected. I do not ask for any respect as your professor. In fact, I request that you do not call me “Professor” or “Dr.” Instead, please refer to me as “Tree Moss” or simply say “Hey!,” “Come here” or “Teacher” whenever you need something while I am lecturing before the class or talking with another student.

E-cigarettes: It's not up to me to determine what herbal concoctions you are vaping. Be creative!

Dropping the Class: If for some reason you are unable to complete the course, do not worry about it. I will file the appropriate paperwork for you so that you can relax and deal with life. I understand.

FERPA: Due to FERPA regulations, I cannot meet with you after class or converse with you in any way about your grade or concerns. Please refer to syllabus instead.

Plagiarism Statement: Plagiarism does not exist.


Week 1: Course Introduction. Sororiety and Fraternity Events Campus-Wide

Monday, June 9 — Course introduction.

Wednesday, June 11 — Group activity: gossip.

Week 2: Who's Who Among Sports Players

Monday, June 16 — Twitterstorm.

 Wednesday, June 18 — Library orientation (or visit Starbucks in atrium).

Week 3: So, You Have to Turn Something In

Monday, June 23 —  Project 1: To be determined.

Wednesday, June 25 — Project 1 FINAL Draft Due (if you can).

Week 4: Midterm Meltdown

Monday, June 30 — Practice: Sending dramatic emails to your instructors. Computer lab.

Wednesday, July 2 — Angry responses to instructor replies; Intro to grade appeals.

 Week 5: Chillaxing with a Purpose 

Monday, July 7 — Project 2 Announced. Reading: Facebook Quizzes.

Wednesday, July 9 — Class canceled (meeting at Human Services for food stamps and Medicaid).

Week 6: Presentations

Monday, July 14 — Downloading PowerPoint presentations from the Web.

Wednesday, July 16 — Personalizing PowerPoint presentations.

 Week 7: Course Wrap-up

Monday, July 21 — Group discussion: “How are things going?”

Wednesday, July 23 — Course evaluations. Cookies and coffee provided!

Week 8: FINAL EXAM — None (but I will be here if you want to talk).