Soft like Snow
by Jen Knox
Elida had the perfect response prepared for this moment, replayed it in her mind so often that she thought it would come automatically; but now that it's here, she's at a loss. Roseanne's skin is cold, rough, and as the sting from the blow works its way from Elida's earlobe to lips, temple to chin, she imagines the hand must share a similar sensation. When the same hand, closed-fist, comes hurling toward her again she ducks just in time. Roseanne's body fumbles forward with the momentum of her own anger, and she falls onto her knee—the bad one—as Elida walks out the front door to the soundtrack of a high, childlike wail.
Although she wears a heavy sweater with sleeves long enough to cover her hands, it is loosely knit and when the wind blows, it bites at the girl's skin. Elida thinks about going back, or maybe she'll go past the bus stop after all, take a left at the bottom of the hill and hole up in the library like she usually does; surround herself with stacks of books, just like the other regulars. Only Elida's titles of choice are not medical books, like the others, but self-improvement or spiritual books: new-agey, pastel colored paperbacks that provide the same advice in a myriad of ways. She thinks about an old, yellowing book she read just last week. It claimed that breath control is a cure-all for any mental or physical ailment. This book praised the value of meditation techniques, and one such technique was called walking meditation—a technique in which a person moves purposefully, taking slow, careful steps, synchronous with the rhythm of his or her breathing.
“Hold your core tight and feel your balance there," her mother used to say, poking her daughter in the stomach. "Once you find it, you can spin forever."
The sky is dark with fat snow-filled clouds that look as though they will never move. Slow steps allow her anger to fall to the ground like the soft snow flakes that dot the sky. Elida feels as though she's eight years old again, in her mother's ballet class. Roseanne used to wear her dark hair in a French twist, clap her hands, and a class of small dancers would lift to the balls of their feet. Only Elida would have trouble balancing.
It was during a recital that Roseanne's dancing career ended with a collapse on-stage; her daughter watched in horror from the front row as her mother's lanky body folded in on itself and the sound of her anguish filled the room. The sound she'd left behind.
"About face," Roseanne would instruct, with a clap, and the entire group of kids in their pink leotards and tights would spin to face the back of the mirror-lined room.
Elida places a shoulder under Roseanne's heavy arm, lifts her up, smothers her with apologies. She listens as Roseanne cries, prepares toast with honey, gin and tonic. She watches a reality TV show, and joins her mother in laughter when a girl in a skimpy dress says something vulgar but scripted about her roommate. Roseanne's breath becomes slower as she sinks into a coma-like slumber. If this were a movie the protagonist would stand over her mother and there would be a soundtrack, ominous or hopeful. Elida glances back at a sickened, bloated body, one that no longer belongs to her mother.
She closes the door behind her; this time, she leaves bundled in a warm, pillow collared down coat, and she knows exactly when the bus will be arriving at the bottom of the snowy hill.

I posted a comment earlier - but Fictionaut ate it. The site is doing a lot of that lately.
At any rate, Jen - I like your approach to details: "The sky is dark with fat snow-filled clouds that look as though they will never move. Slow steps allow her anger to fall to the ground like the soft snow flakes that dot the sky. Elida feels as though she's eight years old again, in her mother's ballet class. Roseanne used to wear her dark hair in a French twist, clap her hands, and a class of small dancers would lift to the balls of their feet."
This is a very good piece. Good writing. Especially like the closing.
Many thanks, Sam. For such a short piece, it took quite a while to take shape. It's odd, but for me the short, short work always seems to take as long, if not longer, than the standard-length stories. I appreciate the read :)
This is hugely moving and beautifully written. I feel I know Elida. The penultimate graph particularly, hits all the right emotional notes. And then, of course, the perfect final image. I read your comment to Sam. The time and care you took writing this shows. Great work.
What an excellent story. The flow of this works so well to the superb ending. Looking forward to more stories.
wonderful writing here with a great closing. i especially like how the description of details slowly gives way to insights as in the penultimate paragraph, "a girl in a skimpy dress says something vulgar but scripted about her roommate" and especially that last paragraph where everything is said by hinting at it only, feelings wrapped up like elida ("the small winged one") in her coat.
Lovely voice and writing in this piece. I was also caught by the reality-TV girl, a telling moment. Very nice.
Such an interesting story about a mother/daughter relationship. "
She listens as Roseanne cries, prepares toast with honey, gin and tonic." I very much like the juxtaposition - toast with honey, a soothing harkening back to childhood, the gin and tonic, anguished adult
I, too, like the reality-TV concept imposed over all, Elida watching herself, watching the two of them, all while something "reality" based plays out on TV, with the terrific detail of "but scripted".
"If this were a movie the protagonist would stand over her mother and there would be a soundtrack, ominous or hopeful."
- a favorite line, i love that it could be EITHER ominous or hopeful, yes.
The most lovely last paragraph imaginable.
Great, beautiful story!
This is wonderfully written. Love, especially, how the "about face" echoes the violence of the opening graf. Very effective. *
Everyone,
Thank you for reading, and for your comments. ~
great use of contrasting images, brings out the complexity in this relationship
The various comforts, physical and spiritual that are reached for to temper the rigors of a dancer's life...or any life, and the wisdom that gets passed to children through words, but not embraced
“Hold your core tight and feel your balance there," her mother used to say, poking her daughter in the stomach. "Once you find it, you can spin forever."
Thank you, Doug. I'm glad you picked out that line. I did want this to be a story about balance, what happens when a person loses/finds it. It's such a fragile thing...
I appreciate the comment.
This is beautifully done. I agree with all that has been said above, especially about the care that went into the writing and details. Very moved by this piece!
Love this, Jen Knox! I also like the "ominous or hopeful" touch.
Thank you, R.A. I love your profile picture!
Jen, I held my breath as I read - magical.
fav
Many thanks, Myra.
Beautiful, complex piece. Loved the walking meditation, and how her memory of the book keeps her walking forward. The enabled and the enabler, caught with compassion. Peace *
I second what Meg said. I really like that you imply that Elida, in this painful moment, has become disconnected from it and maybe herself. Part of her mind watches but she can't even decide what kind of movie she might be viewing.
Mirrors the opening graf, which happens in cinematic and sensory slow motion.
Great story. Great images. Enjoyed reading it.
A beautiful tender piece.
Good writing and storytelling with movement and development from beginning to end, filled with background and graphic details. I enjoyed reading it.
I particularly like the library scene, the self-improvement or spiritual books, and the old yellowing book praising the value of meditation techniques.
And the hopeful ending.
It's not often that I read a piece and find myself holding my breath. Well done.
Beautiful, very beautiful, but painful like an old wound that hasn't healed. An observer might not know about the pain, seeing Elida standing, and walking, on her own.
Thank you so much, everyone!
Mark, it means so much that you had that image, that panning out. As a writer, your comment makes my day.
HOly shite, not sure how I missed this one, Jen. LOVE IT! ***
Love the turn of phrase here - soundtrack of a high, childlike wail. Love how it starts with a bang or punch - literally! - then slows down, brings in the image of the mother and her sickness. Very nice,