One Mississippi, Two Mississippi
by David James
Nights with no flight operations would find me out there on the fantail of my carrier, staring down, helped by the moon, watching the eerie, peaceful, green glow of the bioluminescent algae churned into that glowing by the ship's screws. It was a good place to miss my girl back home. To think about going home. It was my special place for such thoughts. Friend, Del, came out, walked over beside me. Del was making the Navy his career. He came from a place he called Nowhere, Arkansas.
Del's visit out there was not for my reason. A letter from his wife back in Nowhere said she didn't want to be his wife anymore. Del's life was suddenly fucked up. He said, “My future is behind me.” We were bonded by lonesome, yes, but he also hurt. Bad Hurt, Crying Hurt. Goddamned Hurt. I said, “Del, look at all that water between us and home.” He was quiet a minute and then he said very softly, “Yeah, and that's just the top of it.”
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A wonderful, haunting piece of work. . . fave
Very compact with a heavy punch.
"Del's visit out there was not for my reason. A letter from his wife back in Nowhere said she didn't want to be his wife anymore. Del's life was suddenly fucked up. He said, 'My future is behind me.'"
Strong piece, David. A good read.
look what you've done in 184 words. a whole world.
What Meg said.
"My future is behind me."
Unreal. Unbelievable.
*, though it doesn't do justice to the goodness of this piece.
I know this one. Damn, but I know this one. But you put words on it that I'll never forget.
“Yeah, and that's just the top of it.”
Fave squared.
Great close, David.*
There's a lot of feeling in this one, it's way more than just the words you used. And that last line...wow! *
So much evoked here. Enjoyed.
A winner. Great punch line. End of story. A+ ****
Thanks to all of you for taking the time to read my story here.
Very rich language. *
“
Del's visit out there was not for my reason. A letter from his wife back in Nowhere said she didn't want to be his wife anymore. Del's life was suddenly fucked up. He said, “My future is behind me.” We were bonded by lonesome, yes, but he also hurt. Bad Hurt, Crying hurt. Goddamned Hurt. I said, “Del, look at all that water between us and home.” He was quiet a minute and then he said very softly, “Yeah, and that's just the top of it.”
This is absolutely beautiful, wonderful—it hits the chords of music, the highest art form *
Sailors at sea missing their women back home: and looking forward to liberty in the next foreign port, I would imagine. Enjoyed reading!
I love the ending. "“Yeah, and that's just the top of it.” *
love this one, could never write anything like it. had to smile at "world's oldest teenager" on your blog, too.
Thank you, Mr. Speh. I am glad you read my story. I value your comment here as I do for your comments on the work of others.
Bam. Got me good. I enjoyed this very much, David. "Nights with no flight operations would find me out there on the fantail." is a superb first line, although I would include the period after fantail (if that is an actual ship term) and begin with a seperate line regarding the end of your career there. Last line, killed me. Speaks of life and its living in simple terms and very profound.
Wow this is fantastic! Truly. Wonderful work!
Sterling compact flash -- damn good piece.
I chose it because Ijust finished a book with the same title and was curious. *
I love the title. I love the Mississippi. I love trying to spell it. I love how the opening sentences are so crafted and exactly descriptive and how when the hole of emotion hits Del, and the empathy of the narrator, the craft hits the skids. *
Succinct and miraculous. Vivid longing on a carrier for a home that was gone. My future is behind me. Such a perfect sentence. Fave*
Finally! I've read something of yours and I loved EVERY word of it. I'm sorry it took me so long--I've been slaving over poems for a collection, and now I'm free. I will read more. fave.
Excellent ending.