1143 3 3
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his mother brought him to me/ when he was very young/ maybe a few months old,/ born in arizona july.
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1868209
|
My son thinks he's French.His accent was cute at first, but it's starting to get on my nerves. If he asks for another glass of Beaujolais I'm gonna go to jail for child abuse.Yesterday, I walked upstairs to make him turn his new Jacques Brel album down and I swear it…
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81310
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Hey, can you move over and let me sit down here? In German you would use Raum to mean room, or for an area, a region or something like that. There is another word for “room,” as in a room in a house, but you can't use either of those words to ask someone
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85041
|
The last thing I heard was a loud retch
The loudest retch I have ever heard
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91052
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“Don’t you think you should tie a tourniquet or something?” she asked as I bled profusely from the points where Jesus was wounded during his crucifixion.
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102653
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Crass, vulgar, boorish, impaired, angry, depressed, jealous, regretful.
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32054
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Apple is apple plum plum that is a kiss without a tongue
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76700
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I am always impressed with your intelligence.
I love watches. I'm not interested in time.
I am well read so talking to myself can be fun.
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114023
|
One of the publishing industry’s dirty little secrets is that first novels sell much better than second novels. So why not enhance your chances for success by calling your second novel your first?
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1381115
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A nun once told me to watch my tongue. This is not an easy thing to do.
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213573
|
Construct my eulogy with dialogue snippets culled from old Brat Pack movies and deliver them with a straight face.
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100078
|
In and out of morphine dreams, he flies through the unfinished roof of Illinois sky. Below, matchbox-sized farm machines. A silo becomes his father's thermos, the silver-capped tower from which he stole sips at ten, his first secret. Back …
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152546
|
"The problem is, sometimes my pigeon wants to fly somewhere new- to the beach or south for winter. Other times, my pigeon wants to steal someone else’s lunch or picnic with a stranger’s leftovers. Often, my pigeon wants a good show and some freedom, to be
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175122
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It's the way an earnest five-year-old boy pronounces every single letter as he whispers. Something about octopuses, something else about peas.
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1260113
|
In May of 1982, my daughter and I planned a trip…
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1195129
|
We were over Casper, Wyoming, when some terrorists tried to take over the airplane. They had concealed weapons.
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104033
|
When John wakes up, the first thing he does is run a bath, because his shower is broken, and while the bath is running he gets his breakfast ready.
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13281916
|
My wife thinks I should be committed.
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117843
|
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93781
|
He was a Jack Russell terrier
hanging like a baby
in a carrier
strapped to my chest
He had all four legs
wrapped around me
and was licking me
with his long tongue
I asked him what his name
was, and in a real low voice
he said
Min
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13572118
|
When I died, she said, she was going to have me cremated and put my ashes in the cats’ litter box.
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72311
|
We’ve been married for 24.1667 years now and–well–my wife was starting to remind me of a public building. The Registry of Motor Vehicles, to be precise.
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133674
|
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93532
|
And so began my love affair with a thick, semisold substance. Sort of like Mary Van de Velde, the chubby girl who was my partner in my 6th grade polka troupe.
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64420
|
When one hears the siren call of artsy high school love, there’s not much one can do except go ahead and crash on the rocks, sending incense sticks and candles flying.
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111465
|
When I got to Pete's house he was sitting on the curb smoking a cigarette, bruised and dirty, with a smoking pile of rubble behind him where his house used to be. I hadn't heard yet, but his ol' girl left him and blew up the house when she left.
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104152
|
We’ve both been broken, we’ve both been defeated and jaded and we’ve both cried uncontrollably, but we’ve always managed to get back on our feet.
|
92750
|
I know from the experience of too many odd sideways glances that folks are seldom interested in my brand of observation. No one else seems to wonder how many commas there are in the library or how many other people own that exact shirt.
|
138231
|
There’s no training course available for kids in love. You can watch your parents, you can watch other kids, but for the most part it’s all trial and error, and I'm still pretty shaky at almost all of it.
|
102622
|
I’ve been mentally cataloging all the various ways Myra has fucked me up. I know this is a dangerous game, strapped to our seats inches apart and hurling down the road at 70 mph, but I can’t help fiddling with the fuse.
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