189 0 0
|
That old woman's got to be senile or something. The other day she asked my daughter if I had a "thing about water." Sharon told her I didn't, but then came right in and asked me, "Mother, you got a thing about water?"
|
14532
|
Then, relieved to have cleared the air, they peacefully returned their way of living.
|
9900
|
I like you,But I don'tLove youAnd that bitchDon't love youEitherWhy don't you loveMe?I only love my sonWhat do you hate About me?I hate your nervousnessLack of confidence,I hate your glasses,U asked too many QuestionsReally?Yeah, reallyWhat do like about me?I like…
|
7741
|
to accomodate my 250 lb. dog
|
16700
|
A customary phone call from home. What are you doing she says? Playing football I retort – what else. The usual sigh and a faint giggle followed. Much unlike how it backfired back in the late 20’s and we were going to make it the reason to break up! The p
|
25400
|
Face it girls, you want to claw my eyes out, don’t you? Or whack me across my 36 DD’s with a golf club, am I right? Well don’t blame me if I’m young, gorgeous, full-breasted and obviously the cat’s meow.
|
3423517
|
–And then she took a…what’s that…the…one big hammer…
–Sledgehammer.
–Yea. She took the hedgehammer and demolished my desk.
–SLEDGEhammer, I yell into the phone.
|
7910
|
An alien brought my dad and me together.
|
40542
|
I'd been living in Boston, but, on a whim, flew to London, England. Soon I was working as support staff for the actor Alan Bates and his wife, Victoria, on a movie called "The Shout", shooting in Devon.
|
188127
|
I signed on with a large national restaurant chain to write descriptors for menus, and I was the very first to use the term "farm-fresh" to refer to eggs.
|
364172
|
The nightmares started in the seventh month. I have always been a deep sleeper and one of the things that comes with that facility is an inability to extricate oneself from nightmares.
|
256127
|
|
2701914
|
I did not go to Philadelphia.
|
31800
|
I don't know whether or not this particular guitar was born cursed. Life's too short to be superstitious, but the facts are the facts. Maybe it was made in the Fender factory in Mexico on the 13th hour of the 13th day of the...well…
|
19195
|
We'd both done well to avoid crying before today and I couldn't stand to see him like this. I crawled on my hands and knees to the closet. “David, come out of there. I…I don't like this any more than you do. But you can't come to college with me.
|
1791311
|
My books wound you. They wound me / too.
|
14920
|
It is no coincidence that the bossa nova craze coincided with the years in which I achieved my greatest romantic success--first through sixth grades.
|
18821
|
Ug seemed kinda down in the dumps so, uncharacteristically for a male hominid, I asked him why he looked so glum.
“Ug no find nice girl,” he said, poking a stick in the dirt.
|
13153
|
I needed a job. They needed a writer without humanistic moral qualms to create slogans for the Human Annihilation Project
|
8621
|
I became increasingly aware that I'd somehow made a grave mistake in having my graduation depend on passing this science class...
|
22351
|
in his thin, swanky
black leather jacket
out on the town at night
in Mexico with his girlfriend
|
1501110
|
My father bouncing his leg to slow rock music with me on one knee, telling me I should keep a special place in my heart for my teeth, to remember where I lose them, on the playground like he did when he was my age, fighting a friend named Bobby-Joe. Or else I could lose…
|
11710
|
they say the sense of smell is the strongest sense connected to memory, but not for me
|
17730
|
The last time my old lady threw me out, I decided to go and stay with my brother. I thought, "That's the last place I'll be welcome," and I knew that was true. The drive was calming, which was good, because Steven wouldn't have even let me in if I…
|
265126
|
My ChurchThe white dressThe bridesmaidsThe friends, the familySadnessMy church knewno music
|
16011
|
To The Graduates Of The Class Of 2010:
You are here today at a critical crossroads of your life. For most of your 22 years you’ve been taught to work hard, obey the rules, listen with respect to your elders and to trust that every effort you make wil
|
9001
|
Her dad regaled me with stories of his up-from-the-bootstraps climb out of poverty on the hard-scrabble, rough-and-tumble Lower East Side of New York, where he founded the leading supplier of hyphens to writers of purple prose.
|
13900
|
Do not go thereAnd be careless,You will not see themAnd care not.My hearing is fine and I can see who you are.The perfect place I did not knowI have an eye for youYour not wantingBut for historyBut wanting for another's childTo walk not for their love but for…
|
7621
|
My cousin and I walked around the village at night. It was beginning to rain, but we walked on. She had a jacket. I didn’t because of course. She said: “Sometimes I just want to know if he’s settling or he’s really in love with me.”
|
8673226
|
Time advances. One space between words, two between sentences. When I'm not working, I rehearse the language of newspapers: teez, pica, reefer, jump, hed, sig.
|
