How to Have a Fulfilling Sexual Relationship with Your Own Parents (Part Two)
by Smiley McGrouchpants
"Hi, I'm Harmony Korine. I esteem douchebags. (I know, Telly — in my first filmed screenplay, Juniors: Or, The After-School Special™ from Hell — and James Franco's character — what'shisnamewhiteboygansta, in my recent-est effort, Candy Stripers: Or, How a 'Bag of Skittles™' Camera-Filter Shot Production Can Be a Bud Light™ Commercial for a Life of Crime — have their "redeeming" qualities: they're played by actors, and they don't hit you!) I don't blame my parents, though — I don't blame anybody! I'm 'apolitical': I don't believe in 'fault,' 'fault-lines,' 'guilty,' 'guilty parties,' 'remorse,' 'responsibility,' 'accountability,' 'accomplishment,' or any of that icky stuff. (I'm not a 'hipster,' though — FUCK YOU, for even thinking that!) Seriously, though: why not go to bed with your own parents? Even thinking so is, uh, 'controversial' — and that's de facto 'good,' right? I think I'll make a movie about it — if Lars Von Trier doesn't beat me to it, first!"
"Uh . . . isn't it supposed to say, 'THE END'?"
D.I.Y., DUDE . . . D. I. Y.!
GUN GOES IN YOUR MOUTH . . .
. . . NOT UNDER YOUR CHIN!