Dick Cheney's Confessionals
by Smiley McGrouchpants
"I knew Ed McMahon back when he was a nobody, before Johnny Carson, when he was sucking dicks for money in Greyhound® bus-station bathrooms. 'Ed,' I said, 'how could you sink so low?' 'Oh, I don't mind,' he replied. 'You don't mind?' 'Naw, it gets me out of the house when the wife has her "B-I-N-G-O" night, and, besides,' he pulled his handkerchief from his jacket pocket and started wiping off his mouth, 'I like to contribute my share to paying some of the rent!' 'Ed, listen,' I says, 'I know this Johnny Carson guy, he's looking for a second banana . . . you don't mind being a second banana, do ya, Ed?' He grinned from ear to ear, all cleaned up. 'Where do I sign?'"