Anderson Cooper drinks pineapple juice

I saw Anderson Cooper once. In a bar in Cairo. He ordered pineapple juice in Arabic.

Of course it was hot.

I was there on business, consultant for Monsanto. Not that long ago I guess. We made a killing that year. A lot of flooding. A lot. Bugs and so much ergot. It just bends it over. I know that sounded bad. But it does. Anyway, we moved a lot of Round-Up Ready Seeds. Not to mention Round-Up. That was  good year. Christ.

In any case. Anderson Cooper was there. Just sitting there. You know the weirdest thing? I mean, I know people say this all the time. But he looked just like he does on TV. Same salt and pepper hair glued to his head. Same black polo. Same look. I don't know. What's it called? The middle distance. What does that even mean? Anyway, he just looked like he was you know thinking about something important. And you know, I don't know the guy. But I bet he was. He's seen stuff. Traveling all over. War zones. China. I mean to do that for a living. Forget it.

I think he just came in from a shoot. He looked like he was wearing make-up anyway. Lipstick. It's funny to see a guy wearing lipstick. But I guess they all do. On TV. You'd think he'd wipe it off. When was this? When they were killing all those pigs because of swine flu. Stupid. I don't think there was a single person who thought it would make a difference. But still. It's weird. Having a bunch of pigs in a city. In a city, I mean. You'd think that'd be unsanitary. It must be. No, I don't know what happened to them. I think they just got thrown out. They don't eat pork. What a waste. Different culture. Whatever. I wore a head scarf the whole time I was over there. I didn't have to or anything. But it's good practice when you're talking to clients to adopt traditional customs. I found it worked. I mean I think it worked. Who knows, you know?

So Anderson Cooper finishes his juice and think to myself, now or never. But then he orders another one and I think, man this guy has a lot of free time. But, who am I to talk? I'm sitting there in the middle of the day just like him. Then again, it was hot. And I got a lot done already. It's not like here over there. There's only so much you can do in a day. It's fixed. It's weird. After you've done it there's nothing left to do. I guess I realized over there how dependent we are on co-workers to get work done. Over there, when everything for the day is done, they just stop. Maybe sit around, checked email, whatever. Most people left the office. Usually I didn't. But that day I did and Anderson Cooper happened to be at the same bar. Fate. I know.

There's not really much to do. I mean, you can only go in the hotel pool so many times. I went to the Pyramids a dozen times. Rode a camel. The whole thing. You wouldn't think it, but it does get boring. The guys. Well. Let's just say they found their own fun. Yep. Really. I know. It's gross. When they're here, like at office parties, I see them kiss their wives. You'd think they'd be worried about STDs. Jesus. But they go. I've never been. I mean, you see them. The houses and everything. They're veiled. Veiled inside a whorehouse, ridiculous. Well I guess it comes off. It must. But yeah, a lot of the men go. They go crazy over there. Like nothing is going to happen. What's the word? Consequences. I mean, I've never heard of anything really bad happening. Like AIDs or whatever. But it's not like they'd tell you. Do you think Anderson Cooper goes? No, he's gay right? He doesn't look it. Not that there's a look. But there is, kind of. I don't know. I can't tell. Gaydar. Ha!

Anyway, so he's sipping his juice and I'm sipping, I don't even remember what it was, and we're the only two people in the bar. It was like something out of Casablanca. Was that in Egypt? Morocco? Okay so finally, I'm like, what's the big deal? He's here. I'm here. We're both business people. Yeah. No. Not Rosemary Clooney. I think that's George Clooney. That would make sense. I think he's a, Carnegie. No. Vanderbilt. That's right. I don't know how they made their money. Steel? Something. So I'm about to go over there and he gets a phone call.