poison
by FMLe
You may not enter me, in this fall,
through the underbelly of this night
In this October, when the moon pulls
and shoves our breathing in and out,
making our cigarettes, our words,
and our poison, taste so sweet
while standing against you,
I try to prove this, by sitting
on empty street corners.
through the underbelly of this night
In this October, when the moon pulls
and shoves our breathing in and out,
making our cigarettes, our words,
and our poison, taste so sweet
while standing against you,
I try to prove this, by sitting
on empty street corners.
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Author's Note
September 2006
Other stories by FMLe
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I like this, the movement that is born of the words and setting, and of course, the last two lines. Nice.
Very good. Strong.
Excellent. Great use of the commas.
I like this poem a lot.
The capitalized "In" in the second stanza seems out of place though. Do you really want it capitalized?
Any way to make the last stanza two lines instead of three? Just asking.
"making our cigarettes, our words,
and our poison, taste so sweet"
Very strong.
First line is a killer.
I don't know what I was doing with it anymore, it's five years old! Always open for criticism though :) Thanks!