No Poets Need Apply ( slightly amended from the job description for President of the Poetry Foundation)
by David Ackley
For its president, the Poetry Foundation seeks one like you
who
will provide the strategic planning and management
to carry out a mission,
of disciplined annual budgets
careful stewardship and partnerships
"to serve poetry's greatest unmet needs. "
Strategic and deft, the President
Must safeguard endowment.
build solid and thoughtful
with all board members
monitor keys and issues
Continue to leverage digital
Assume responsibility for ongoing
Prepare and present annual colonoscopy
Recruit and train full-time procuress
Assess efficiency des chambres de toilettes
Monitor and protect foundation's assets, its assets, its assets.
Structure regular infarctions, boils and fries
Support a fluid and participatory daisy chain
of ineffable relationships
demonstrated capacity strategic track record
strong oral and written endowment leverage
inspiring good listener consensus strategist
possessing
A good sense of humor
To serve poetry's greatest unmet needs
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Author's Note
Altered a little from the soul-numbing, despair inducing anomy of its source.
Other stories by David Ackley
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A noble cause.
Where do I apply?
And I know nothing about poetry. So I think I qualify.
I think that I shall never see
in attic or in basement,
a poem that's as lovely to me
as a solvent financial statement.
Since you possess all necessary non-qualifications, Sally, we are encouraging your application. All information, including the original of the job description( a much better parody of itself than my poor effort) can be found in the "Poets and Writers " job listing.
Con, what can I say? As good a piece of doggerel as one is likely to see, but since doggerel is to poetry as mutt is to purebred Lhasa Apso, your other qualifications place you at the top of our list. See details above.
Enjoyed this, David. I love the blatant creativity. *
Thanks, Foster for the kind words, much appreciated.