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How to Have a Fulfilling Sexual Relationship with Your Own Parents (Part Two)


by Crabby McGrouchpants



               "Hi, I'm Harmony Korine.  I esteem douchebags.  (I know, Telly — in my first filmed screenplay, Juniors: Or, The After-School Special™ from Hell — and James Franco's character — what'shisnamewhiteboygansta, in my recent-est effort, Candy Stripers: Or, How a 'Bag of Skittles™' Camera-Filter Shot Production Can Be a Bud Light™ Commercial for a Life of Crime — have their "redeeming" qualities: they're played by actors, and they don't hit you!)  I don't blame my parents, though — I don't blame anybody!  I'm 'apolitical': I don't believe in 'fault,' 'fault-lines,' 'guilty,' 'guilty parties,' 'remorse,' 'responsibility,' 'accountability,' 'accomplishment,' or any of that icky stuff.  (I'm not a 'hipster,' though — FUCK YOU, for even thinking that!)  Seriously, though: why not go to bed with your own parents?  Even thinking so is, uh, 'controversial' — and that's de facto 'good,' right?  I think I'll make a movie about it — if Lars Von Trier doesn't beat me to it, first!"
                                            
                                             VERDICT: "BANAL"!

               "Uh . . . isn't it supposed to say, 'THE END'?"

                                             D.I.Y., DUDE . . . D. I. Y.!

               "Come again?"

                                             GUN GOES IN YOUR MOUTH . . .

               "Hey!"

                                             . . . NOT UNDER YOUR CHIN!
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