Why Cretin Simpwell's 'Luck' is Bound to Run Out . . .
by Crabby McGrouchpants
"I'm not very ambitious in my fiction writing. I'm not very ambitious in my fiction reading! Hell, I can hardly drag my ass outta bed in the morning!"
"I write 'Sex as a MacGuffin' pieces: 2 pg.'s, and I ... AM ... OUTTA THERE!"
"I don't believe in subject matter."
" 'Dr. Coldhands' is a pretty good name for a doctor character, don'tcha think?"
"I've only been out of the house once."
[from Cretin Simpwell's Potent Potables & Quotient Quotables (edited by Nick Hornby & David Foster Wallace's rotting corpse, w/a "goofy," pointlessly-digressive, time-wasting "Introduction" by Dave Eggers, featuring a well-thought-out "Introduction" from another collection, by Donald Barthelme, quoted in its entirety, in a single, pages-long footnote, to give the "penumbra of respectability" to Eggers's waxing non-poetic about Gumbo-dinner place-settings while you feel your life's energy and goodwill frittering away in front of you . . . ergh! (Crappile Books, 2010, $39.95))]