by Chris Okum

Something I Would Do

My girlfriend is dead. She died of a drug overdose. She was out with some of her friends and they were partying and she was drinking and then she took a pill and the next thing everyone knew my girlfriend was passed out and turning blue. Her friends dropped her off at the entrance to the Emergency Room. And then they left. That sounds like something I would do.


My girlfriend told me about this guy. It sounded like he was her friend. I could have sworn she said his name was Emile. But then we found out that she didn't have a friend named Emile. So now we have no idea who this Emile guy was. I met some of my girlfriend's friends. I don't remember all of their names, but none of them was named Emile, and none of them looked like an Emile. How does someone look like an Emile? Well, let me tell you. They look me. Because I look like an Emile. I can't tell you how many times someone has come up to me and said, Hey, Emile. It happens to me all the time. And my name is not Emile.

Be Next To Me

The last time I saw my girlfriend was right before she left for Los Angeles. We were at her house. She was being very quiet. She didn't seem to want to talk to me or be next to me. She would not allow me to touch her. I kept asking her what was wrong and she wouldn't tell me. At the time I told myself that the reason she was acting like this is because she didn't want to go. Or, she wanted me to stop her from going. I'm not very good at reading people. Apparently. 

The Back Of A Truck

My girlfriend had a lot of energy. She always wanted to go somewhere. I'm more of a homebody. I would always ask her why we had to go somewhere and she would always tell me it was because she had a lot of energy. We would go somewhere and she would take a deep breath and put he hands on her pants and say, God, this feels so good. She was one of those women who was always twirling and dancing. She also looked really good in the back of a truck, which is a compliment, I guess. My dad said it was a compliment. He said he was a good judge of women. He said some women looked good in the back of a truck and some women didn't. The women that did were the women you kept. I asked my dad if my mom looked good in the back of a truck and he said, No.

A Nose For Business

I had no idea my girlfriend was going to go on vacation and not come back. Or that she liked to drink and do drugs and have sex with random guys for money. Lots of money. I had no idea how much money guys would pay to have sex with my girlfriend. She made almost one hundred thousand dollars in nine months. And this was her job. I had a feeling that other guys thought my girlfriend was kind of cute, but I had no idea that they were willing to pay to have sex with her. Just like my mom has always said, I simply don't have a nose for business.

Men With Good Jobs

There were several men who spent a lot of time with my girlfriend. Older men. Older than me. But men. Men with good jobs. Men who owned houses and drove nice cars and went to expensive restaurants. And these men, when they would go to their expensive restaurants, they would take my girlfriend. She would go to dinner with men and then she would drive back to their house or some hotel or wherever and the men would give my girlfriend money and she would get stark raving nude. I really enjoy saying the word 'nude.' 

Certain Things

These men did things to my girlfriend that I didn't even know you could do to my girlfriend. Certain things. Things I believe I am not physically capable of doing. So, do I feel bad about it? No way. Jose. I can't feel bad about not being able to do these things. I can't do them. So what? So the point is that I cannot dunk a basketball. I will never be able to dunk a basketball. But I'm not upset about it. I used to be, though.

No Idea

Some people want me to be mad at my girlfriend for cheating, but I can't. My girlfriend wanted certain things, and what she wanted I couldn't give her. If I was her I would have done the same thing. Because I'm very inexperienced. Because I really have no idea what I'm doing. 

Underneath The Tea Tree

There was a tree in the back yard of my girlfriend's house. Sometimes my girlfriend would ask me to come stand under the tree with her. We would kiss. My girlfriend always had fresh breath. It didn't matter what she ate. He breath was always clean and slightly sweet smelling. Sometimes I would get worried that my breath was bad. I would stop kissing my girlfriend and she would ask me why and I would tell her that it was because I was afraid my breath was bad and my girlfriend would tell me it was fine. One time she handed me pack of tea tree oil gum and told me to chew some while I was kissing her. I asked my girlfriend if my breath was bad and she said, Yes. I asked her if my breath was always bad and she said, Yes.