Mondo Agro

by Chris Okum

Laura Mars Takes A Picture

This is enough. You need to maintain the same speed and the same intensity. Not just boom, boom, boom, boom. But slowly. At first you take a picture, you tell the model how good she looks, you adjust her hair, you tell her to move the neck this way. Always start with the neck. If the model cannot move her neck the way you want her to then you are doing something wrong. Then, after a few minutes, you move to the chest. But you don't want the chest in the center of the frame. This is very crude and the girls can tell what you are looking at through the lens. Don't ask me how they know this. They know exactly what you are looking at the entire time. This is something I learned about the models only very late in my career. They are guiding you, you are not guiding them, even though you think you are. If only most photographers would listen carefully to the models, to their body language, they would be much more successful. But they want to be in control. They go straight to the chest, or they just go straight down and get right to the business. Some models like this, most models don't. Start with the neck. If she lets you move her neck then she wants you to think you're in charge. But you have no choice when it comes to taking a picture, if you want the picture to turn out. You have to go slow and create a sense of trust with the model. They have to know that you're listening to them. Once they know that? That's when they let you pose them. And when they do that, when they let you put them in the position you want, with the lighting you want, at the angle you want, when they, what am I trying to say, when they let you see things the way you want to see them, yes, then you can take the picture, and only then, and then only just one. Then make some more adjustments. Always be adjusting. Keep the model in motion. It's slow motion at first, first you have to take a picture here and a picture there before you can just start snapping away. But at some point you do start snapping away, and that's when you get magic, the model magic. That's when they show you who they really are. 

The Resurrection of Roy Hobbs

"You're a bitter old man, Roy. You think you got cheated, but no one's been treated better than you. They worship you, Roy. Everyone. Every man wants to be your best friend and every woman wants to go to bed with you. You have had everything a man could ever want, and still, you're so angry. I was late. So what? Some of us have a hard time with punctuality. Why does it bother you so much if someone is fifteen minutes late? Don't you know who you are? You're Roy Hobbs. Look at your life. Look at what life has given you. Look at all your friends and admirers. Look at the women you've loved. Do you know what I would have done to make love to Memo Paris? I swear to God, Joe, to make love to Memo? I would have given the lives of my wife and children. I would have given anything to make love to Memo. But there was nothing I could do. Because I'm not Roy Hobbs. You are treated like a king wherever you go, and you're not going to forgive me because I was fifteen minutes late? Is it really that big of deal, Roy? Why does it have to be such a big deal?"
"Good-bye, Doc."
"No, Roy, wait."

How To Handle Her Old Boyfriends

"Hey, I'm really sorry. It won't happen again. I can see I'm not needed. I'll leave you two alone. Just let me know when you guys are done."

The Death of Little Enos

After years of getting close, years of slowly getting to know the people surrounding Larry Flynt, after years of doing favors for these people and never asking for any in return, Big Enos and Little Enos were finally extended an invitation to Hustler Magazine's Annual 4th of July Pool Party. Big Enos had been courting Bebe Buell and it was through her connections with Todd Rundgren that she managed to get Big Enos and Little Enos on the guest list. Big Enos and Little Enos flew into Burbank Airport on their private jet. They rented a Porsche and drove to Flynt's house in Bel Air. Big Enos headed straight for Bebe and Little Enos headed straight for the open bar. Bebe ignored Big Enos at first, then pretended not to know him very well. Big Enos asked Bebe if he could get her something to drink and Bebe said, Yeah, get me something Aryan. Big Enos went to the bar,  patted Little Enos on the back, and ordered a Vodka Tonic. Little Enos was already slurring his words and turning hot pink. Big Enos handed Bebe her drink. She did not thank him. She said, From now on I'm only drinking Aryan drinks and listening to Aryan music. Big Enos asked Bebe what she meant by "Aryan music" and Bebe said, Andy Williams and Joy Division. Bebe finished her drink. She told Big Enos that she had been to the doctor earlier in the day and that she had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Big Enos tried to put his arm around Bebe's waist, but Bebe removed it. She said, Please don't. Big Enos tried to hug Bebe, but Bebe dodged, said, He told me I only have a ten percent chance of survival. Bebe walked away. Big Enos stood with his hands on his hips and tried to make sense of Bebe, but to no avail. Now it was time to go home. Big Enos dragged Little Enos to the car. Big Enos made a left onto a dark canyon road and put the pedal to the metal. It was two in the morning and Big Enos was driving without his lights on. Little Enos was sitting shotgun, slumped, asleep. Big Enos decided to take Mulholland Drive. He took the curves at seventy, eight miles an hour. He could barely see through his tears and was screaming at the top of his lungs. Little Enos mumbled, said, Hey, slow down. Big Enos lost control of the Porsche and went up the side of the mountain. The Porsche flipped. Big Enos was thrown from the car, but not knocked unconscious. Little Enos was out cold and trapped. The Porsche was quickly engulfed in flames. Big Enos screamed Little Enos' name. When the authorities arrived Little Enos had been burned to such a degree that even dental records would not have been enough to identify his body.